Alone
by Itarile
Summary: Who will save me when my world is breaking apart? No one...I'm alone... Sometimes fate send us someone you did not expect and one meeting can change evereything... Major angst. Slight SasoDei.
1. Chapter 1

Do you know what it means to be alone? Had no friends, no social life, and no normal family? Deidara knew. It hurts... actually it hurts like hell. Like every time you thought about it - feel sharp pain in the chest. Anger, sadness, envy is your constant emotions and you can't get away from them. Other people do not see it, because of the mask. A shell of happy teenager, pretending that everything is all right, but it is not. Then nobody saw him, smile disappear from face and he became nobody again. Sometimes he felt like a doll – beautiful outside, empty inside and so easy to break.

Deidara sighed looking into the ceiling of his dark room. Today was one of his misery days, one of the bad ones, when he can't pretend anymore. He had them time to time. Then his emotions burst out and all defenses shatter. He just had to let it out and then everything will be back to normal. Deidara sat on the bed and turn on music. That helped him to relax – heavy sound of guitars, drums and voices, going through his skin, filling his empty heart. Then it began.

Shouts and creams of his mother and father arguing. That happened almost every evening. Sometimes it was worse then his father was drunk, other times it was better, but they always argued. He wanted to escape somewhere, pretend it was not his family, that he not cares, but he just stood up and went into the kitchen. As he got closer, he heard words they shouted at each other.

'Bitch, why I am always at fault of your mistakes?' angry male voice shouted.

'Because, you are the one who cause it!' screamed female and he heard something shattering, Deidara could swear it was a plate flying into the wall. He opened door and saw them glaring at he.

'What do you want?' growled his father.

'Nothing' he shrugged. He knew that it was dangerous to interrupt them, but he just couldn't take it anymore. 'Please, can you be a little more silent, neighborhoods are hearing everything' he added almost without voice.

'Don't you dare say to me what I must do, you little bitch!' his father came closer to him 'Learn to respect your family!' he yelled.

'Honey, he just wanted to say...' his mother began to say, but was interrupted.

'Shut up!'

Deidara looked at mother, she had small tears in the eyes, and finally he snapped.

'Respect you? How can I respect you? You are trash, if you hate us so much why you are still living here, it is because you do not have enough money and depend on us? Fuck, I hate you and all that arguing...' he couldn't finish his sentence because his father grasped him.

'You little shit!' he threw him at the wall and Deidara dropped on the floor.

'Now I'm going to teach you a lesion!' he started to kick him. Deidara winced in agony as hard kicks reached his ribs and stomach. He could hear his mother screaming, but that did not stop his father.

'From now on never talk to me like that or you regret it, bitch! Do you hear me? Answer me brat!'

'Yes, I understand!' Deidara yelled in tears.

'Good.' he said walking away. 'You?' he ordered to his mother 'Come with me.'

They left Deidara alone lying on the floor. He slowly got on the knees and stood up panting heavily. It was hard to breath, but somehow he knew that ribs were not broken. This was not the first time he got hurt. Deidara opened the back door and went into yard.

It was warm night. He could hear wind in the trees, feel it on his skin. He slowly moved out of yard, going farther and farter from home. He did not know where he was going and somehow he end up in the small shabby park. He sat on the bench with peeled of paint and starlet to cry. It was a silent agonized cry. Tears rolled down from his cheeks, but he did not let any sound, feeling as if he cries aloud his body would break into thousands broken pieces.

'Can I sit here?' somebody asked. Deidara lift up head and saw stranger on the pavement.

'No, go were you going.' he said in strangled voice, but stranger ignored the answer and sat beside him. Deidara looked at the male from the corner of his eye and without voice sighed. Stranger was beautiful. He had short red hair, brown eyes and almost transparent white skin. His face had perfect proportion and somehow Deidara thought that maybe he was a model. Yet Deidara was not stupid even if that person looked like perfect creature, he radiated kind of cold and dark atmosphere.

'You know it is dangerous to be alone at night in such place.' stranger broke the silence.

'I don't care...' Dedara whispered bowing his head.

'Why are you crying?'

'I'm not crying...It doesn't matter.' Deidara grunted, but warm tears still rolled on his cheeks. Suddenly he felt cold hand on his chin and realized he was looking straight into chocolate brown eyes. Suddenly he felt like drowning in the dark pools of water. Those eyes were so deep and emotionless. Yet stranger just gently brushed away his hair strand and wiped an escaped tear with soft fingertip.

'So pitiful... and yet so beautiful...' male gave a small smile revealing his white teeth. Deidara shuddered and pushed hand away.

'You know you look like a doll.' he chuckled 'What's your name, boy?' asked

Deidara gazed at the male, he did not care who the stranger was, he just wanted to talk with someone.

'Deidara' teen whispered and winced as he felt pain in the ribs.

'Are you hurt?'

Deidara hasn't say anything just shake head. He did not want to complain that his body hurt so much, it was hard to breathe. Teen knew everything could be a lot worse if he tell anyone about abusing or problems in his family. After all Deidara was good at denying. He just bowed head and tried not to cry again and they sat in silent. It was kind of comfortable silence, but after few minutes redhead stirred in his seat

'But you are hurt.' trailed male in velvet voice.

Deidara made a small frown realizing that first time his attempt of lying made no point.

'Everything is alright.' he chocked on those words.

Stranger sighed 'you can quit lying I could tell that not everything is alright by your...' he didn't finished sentence just gazed at teen sitting beside him 'whatever... are you cold?'

'Yes' teen shudder slightly feeling wind on his skin. He wore nothing but gray t-shirt, old jeans and pair of convers.

'Here' stranger took off his cotton coat and laid it on boy shoulders. Deidara trembled again wrapping himself into warm cloth. He could smell sweet wood, cinnamon and some strange rich scent coming from coat, but he couldn't describe what it was. Suddenly Deidara felt war, sleepy and safe... Safe? He widely opened eyes as rational mind kicked in. Safe. No, he was definitely not safe sitting with stranger on bench in the middle of the night, in the shabby park, with his injured body. As if stranger, felt his uneasiness he quickly stood looking into backwoods.

'I'll be going now. Keep the coat you need it more that I am.'

'Wait!' Deidara shouted 'Can you tell me your name?'

Male stared at him like trying to confirm something than looked into wood again 'Sasori. My name is Sasori.'

'Thank you' teen gave timid smile

'We meet again.' Whispered Sasori and disappeared into the dark.

Deidara sat a little longer on the bench then rise up and slowly dragged himself at home. In the morning, he thought that everything was just a dream even if his body hurt and he had bruises on the ribs. He couldn't decide if that dream was bad or good then he ate breakfast. However, in his room on the chair unnoticed hang Sasori coat.


	2. Chapter 2

Noise - chatter, laughter, whisperings, slammed lockers doors and ringing bell. Mix of smells from cafeteria, chalk or girls perfume. Halls full of different people and never ending moving. School or in Deidara case personal hell. All days there were a torture, not because of people or classes, but, because of constant pretending, his mask of the cheerful, popular teen to the world. Nobody knew real him. Every thing Deidara did was just one big fat lie, fake words, fake personality and fake smiles. Sometimes it seemed as he was screaming in the middle of the crowd and nobody heard him. Day by day, he broke a little more and teen almost sensed his mask shattering. He sighed, going trough hallway, leading by the girls gazes. It irritated him; everybody wanted to be a friend just because of his perfect mask.

Suddenly someone hit into him. Pulled into tight embrace Deidara almost groaned out of pain.

'Hello, DeiDei' someone purred into ear. He immediately wanted to push person away but as sweet perfume reached nose he answered.

'Hi, Sakura'

Girl released hug and Deidara unconsciously folded hands on the chest protecting painful bruises.

'Hey are you all right?' asked another girl with blonde hair, Ino.

'Yes, everything is ok' he smiled cheerfully.

'But you look kind of pale' Ino pouted and clutched his hand from chest. Deidara winced from the ache.

'Could you excuse me a little, I need...' he didn't finished slipping into boys bathroom. Safely locked in one of the cabins Deidara leaned against the wall trying to subdue pain. Few minutes passed and pain slowly faded away.

Those two girls almost broke through his perfect facade. Yet Deidara didn't know the point of lying anymore. It couldn't be worse that being himself, isn't it? However, he still lied hiding the truth.

Everybody loved their new happy family in the neighborhood, but inside everything was rotten. It began when his father lost job. Then they moved looking for changes. He had to leave friends, beloved school, and familiar places.

Moving didn't change anything, rather it grown worse. Father started to drink and his relationships with mother crumbled. They argued and Deidara received beatings, father almost every time thrown anger on him. Actually, he was happy at one point, because mother was safe from physical pain, until she begged him to keep beatings in secret and protect their family reputation in new town. Deidara listened and became broken in process. Pretending, lying, new wounds and scars on the body driven him into depression. He didn't find any good friend, his family were not normal and he had no social life outside school, just every day routine.

Deidara sighed, opened door and went to the sink. He gazed at reflection in the mirror with racing heart. It was not him, he could't see itself anymore. Teen closed and opened eyes, nothing changed. He touched reflection on the mirror. The surface was cold and smooth, as if fingertips caressed ice, but nothing changed, he still saw the mask, just like others saw him. It was a lie it did not exist. Maybe if mirror wee broken in peaces he would saw true reflection with expression of sorrow, sadness and depression. Sometimes he wanted such simple things like to embrace, to smile, to laugh with other people and feel it. Feel something... but he couldn't. It did not matter that those things was his everyday mask. He was numb. It felt like all good emotions were gone. Why he even lived? Deidara did not know. After all, to him life was like ticking clock taking day after day from miserable existents.

Teen clenched fists and turned around. His mask fallen. He simply wanted to vanish, never be born... suddenly Deidara felt so cold, shiver ran through the back and he could swear someone was behind him.

'So you want to die?' asked presence. Teen shivered again and looked around. Bathroom was empty, but kind of familiar voice was so close.

'I don't know...' he whispered with trembling lips.

'It is am option...' voice purred in his ear.

'I... it just hurt so much...' Deidara's breath hitched.

'Shhh... Calm down' said velvet voice and he felt arms wrapping around body.

'Who are you? I'm going insane!' blonde boy almost screamed.

Invisible embrace tightened.

'Calm down, take a deep breath, you are not mad' voice reassured 'Everything is ok' voice comforted. Slowly Deidara relaxed melting into warm embrace. It was a long time ago then someone hold him in such way. Sweet scent surrounded him it reminded lilies, candle smoke, bee wax and wood mixed with some strange spice.

'Who are you? Show yourself...please...'

'I can't...' voice faded and surreal bubble exploded. It was like suddenly waking from dream.

Deidara just stood in the boy's bathroom with his back-facing mirror. As some student opened the door, noise flooded into small room and he realized that this was just another day in the harsh reality.

'Hey, man, you look like shit. Had a lively night?' unfamilliar boy asked

'Yea, you could say that, un.' Deidara forced smile on face and flown into the crowd. He didn't saw dark shadow lingering on the mirror where he stood. Within few seconds, shadow moved and disappeared leaving just one big, black feather on the dirty floor.


	3. Chapter 3

Few weeks passed from Deidaras's encounter with strange shadow if you could call it that. Yet almost everyday he felt someone's presence beside and sometimes in the night, he could feel arms caressing his cheek or figure sitting on the edge of bed. Somehow, it did not bother him; actually, it was as if he finally sensed something in the dark reality, even if others would say he was going insane.

'Today was a good day.' Deidara thought sitting on the school roof missing his last lesson. Last autumn sun rays felt warm on his skin, every tree and bush on ground were dyed in yellow, red and various other shades of color, and he felt kind of happy, Deidara almost forgot he could sense such emotion. Finally, after long period of beatings his body healed, school was not so bad when he ignored everyone and that mysterious presence gave him strength to live.

Blonde heard door behind him opening with a loud creak and knew that his good day would be not so good as boy saw who came on the roof. Suddenly Deidara wanted to head bang his head into wall as Sakura sat beside him.

'I knew I would find you here.' girl smiled and stretched out long legs, comfortably leaning on elbows.

Her shirt first bottoms were unbuttoned and Deidara could see her pink bra laces. He frowned 'what do you want, Sakura?'

'Nothing just talk...' girl tousled hair spreading sickening sweet perfume aroma.

'So you want nothing important.' Deidara frowned again and stood up quickly preparing to leave.

'Oh, don't be like that DeiDei.' Sakura whined.

'Don't call me like that.' he said.

'Why?' Sakura stood up, smiled and pulled blonde into embrace.

'Wha...' Deidara's words was cut by the presence of Sakura's warm lips on his own. As the tongue invaded into the mouth, he felt sick and pushed girl off. Cleaning his lips with sleeve tip Deidara shouted 'What the hell? You have Sasuke so why in the God name you kissed me?'

'Because I wanted, I'd grow bored of Sasuke and you perfectly fit my taste' Sakura narrowed her eyes 'you pushed me away... nobody dares to push me away.' she said in perfectly still and cold voice. 'I'll make you regret this...' she threatened 'nobody humiliates me' Deidara could see anger burning in her eyes.

'Sorr...' he started to apologize, but Sakura stormed out leaving him alone. Teen shivered knowing that her threat was real, it was not the first time she pulverize people on her way and now he was the target.

Next day he didn't want to go to school, but staying home was not the option either. As Deidara got ready for school, he saw black coat hang on the chair. Coat was soft and had faint smell of lilies so he put it on. It felt like he should remember something, but couldn't, so Deidara pushed that thought aside and left.

Strangely, school was normal, no rumors, no whispering, nothing. One period passed, second still nothing happened, that scared Deidara.

It was after school when he walked home he noticed three of teenagers following him. Deidara quickened his pace, but when he reached park somebody grabbed him from behind. He resisted as hand covered his mouth but when hard hit landed on the head Deidara's gaze blurred and he fallen on the ground.

'Hey, fag, do not touch that is mine.' he heard Sasuke's voice as black teen grabbed his hair. Deidara yelped from pain. 'Do not dare to pass out' Sasuke smiled cruelty 'I want you conscious until I finish with you. Boys enjoy.' he laughed. Hard kicks landed on blonde teen body repeatedly until he couldn't move and coughed on blood. As somebody pinned him to the ground and ripped his cloches off Deidara knew what was going to come. Nobody heard muffled screams of pain coming from him just one dark shadow leaned against the tree.

When everything ended, they left him there, lying on the cold, wet ground. It felt like his body would give up at any second, but he still sit up. Deidara felt so empty as if dark hollow opened inside him and swallowed the world. He wanted to die, that was only solution to escape this fucked existence. Deidara looked around, searching for his school bag, which was beside him. He reached it and shake out bag content on the ground. Looking through stuff blonde saw one thing he needed, taking it he gathered strength and stood up. Scream of pain escaped from his lips as every bone burned inside his body, yet he still slowly moved until reached the goal. It was small crappy bench in park. With deep sight blonde squeezed paperknife in hand and placed it on the vein. Pain stabbed the wrist where knife scratched skin. Silently sobbing Deidara held arm against the chest feeling warm blood flow down and staining the shirt. He took knife again in slightly trembling fingers and forcefully pressed it on the other wrist deeply cutting transparent skin. Few tears fallen as blood began to flow from the cut. It hurt. Deidara never imagined that it could hurt so much it rather suppressed other pains in his body. Blonde slowly lied down on the bench gazing at dark evening sky. Little by little blood leaked from his body, small red drops fallen through fingers on the dirty ground leaving young teen dizzy and disorientated. Cold wrapped around his body like icy blanked and he wanted nothing more just death, but it took so long to come. Deidara whimpered from helplessness, but after few second his vision blurred and everything went dark. He couldn't see just feel last things on earth like how gently wind caressed skin or how sweet night air was. Boy could recall such small things like how ice cream tasted in winter or smell of the hot summer day, yet now everything became meaningless he will never experience those things again. Slowly senses disappeared and darkness won final life and death battle. It was so strange, because Deidara could hear somebody calling his name. Like someone was whispering to him not to die. That voice tied him and pulled out of the death claws in reality he wanted to leave so badly.

'No, no, no please let me die!' Deidara screamed inside mind 'I don't want to come back...' However, Deidara realized he was still lying on the bench and beside him sat dark beautiful figure. He wanted to scream at him, but blonde's lips couldn't move. Teen was barely alive. Focusing gaze on the figure he recognized him. Sasori gave a warm smile and caressed boy cheek

'We meet again Deidara. Now, listen to me carefully my beautiful doll, I will ask you one question and the answer can decide your destiny.' he whispered. Deidara slowly nodded.

'Good boy.' man said and leaned closer. 'Now tell me, if you could do one thing before you die, that it would be?'

'I want to love someone and be loved.' Deidara smiled sadly, 'anyway it never happen…' one tear slide down his cheek.

'Shhh...Good answer…' redhead put finger on boy chin and then kissed him. Sasori lips were like ice on his warm ones. When his hand moved on boy neck, sweet smell of lilies and candles surrounded them. Deidara melted into the kiss and his eyes closed. Sasori gently pulled away from him watching. To Deidara it seemed like time stopped, but slowly he felt cold. Cold surge came from his toe fingers up to the chest on the lips, face, eyes. Few seconds Deidara couldn't breathe then pain washed over his body like rain of needles and he screamed, yet no sound came. Last thing he felt were Sasori arms wrapping around his body lifting it then world went dark and he died in his embrace.


	4. Chapter 4

Long time ago, then Gods still walked around humans, far away in the South stood a city in the desert. It was a big city build on the trade road as the stop for caravans, merchandisers, tradesmen, crafters and others who whished shelter from the harsh dessert sun and cold nights. Tall brown walls surrounded city, it looked like the desert itself carved them from vast amount of sand. They served as protection from icy night winds, sand storms, sun and attackers. Life in the city looked quiet for unfamiliar eyes, but in fact it flown exotically adjusting to the desert rhythm. There lived many different people, but they always changed, mixing with others who came from the dessert.

Nighttime was like awakening of the City. Inns with anything you want from women to drugs, big market packed with exotic spices and various goods, and confusing streets labyrinths filled with people. However, that was just a good side of the blanket if anyone looked deeper they saw thieves, beggars, assassins, prostitutes, gangs and everything what stayed in underworld.

'Yes, life was good here.' man thought whistling happy melody in dark alley. He chuckled gazing at redhead person who lay on the ground clutching his stomach. 'Yes, hunt was also good today...' whispered the killer silently disappearing into the busy street, leaving young person on the verge of death in the pool of crimson red blood.

Redhead male lying on the dirty sand knew that death would be unavoidable from the pain in big stab wound, but still small hope burned inside him. He didn't want to die so he prayed on every god he knew, hoping that one of them might help. Man prays were answered. One passing stranger wrapped in big black cloak stopped, looked at him and asked

'If you could do one thing before the death, what would it be, my redhead angel?' he looked at the dying person with pity and curiosity.

'I kill those who made my life miserable.' male managed to say in a whisper feeling cold wrapping around his body

'Good answer.' stranger smiled and took of cloak hood revealing the face. Redhead was stunned by male's beauty. He looked like angel with waist long black silky hair, pale skin, which was unusual in the dessert, and grey almost silver eyes. Stranger leaned closer to him, smiled and whispered

'You will be as beautiful as I. I came here because you want to live and I want...well you can say a worker, we both have gain so do not be afraid.' angel smiled caressed red male's cheek and gave him a frozen kiss.

Then redhead man died or you could say reborn to face eternity. As the right time came man had revenge on every person he hated, but even then they bones became nothing just the dust and their graves vanished from the ground he still lingered. Hundreds of years passed and man wandered on the Earth alone doing work given to him by the stranger who made him immortal.

The World changed and he changed together with the World. Man grown cold, numb, unemotional, and one-day endless life became unbearable. Until he sawn Him, an Angel, crying his heart out, on the crappy bench in the park. Beautiful boy appeared so young, but already marked with a lot of pain. He looked like perfect creature and yet was broken like thrown out a doll. Man knew that he couldn't help the teen in the way he needed. However, redhead wanted to do even the smallest things to help the kid. With the small talk on that bench, man was mesmerized and could not step aside from the beautiful boy. He started to observe teen's cruel fate. It almost broke man's numb heart and the fact that he was helpless made him angry. So every time redhead could he talked with the boy. Nothing helped and finally he sensed boy dying on the same crappy bench they first time met. He just could not let him die. The teen was too important to him, too precious. Redhead did not want to be alone ever again, so he gave boy the kiss of eternity same one the stranger gave him in the dark alley on his time on death. Blonde's lips were like hot fire on his own icy ones, it felt like every bone in his body burned. He slowly leaned away looking at the teen. Redhead knew the pain his angel experienced, it was the same for him and it hurt. Man took lifeless boy body in his arms and faded into the shadows.

Now if someone asked him 'If you could do one thing before the death, what would it be?' man answer would be 'I want one last time to see my beloved angel…' he chuckled inside mind. Nobody will ask that question ever again.

'Un, Sasori spacing out?' asked cheerful teen voice 'you know we had a lot of work to do.' Deidara smiled.

'You are late.' Sasori frowned 'I hate when you are late' said he standing from the bench in shabby park.

'Give me your hand Deidara' redhead kindly whispered.

'Sasori...'

'What?'

'Promise you never leave me alone...' Deidara almost choked on those emotional words, remembering the dark time of his human life.

'I promise.' Sasori looked at pale angel and gave him warm smile, only he could ever see. 'Now give your hand.' he grabbed boy by hand. As their palms touched, dark figures vanished into the night air leaving nothing just ground full of big dark feathers. Maybe an eternity is not such bad thing then you are The Angel of Death.

The end.


End file.
